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Basically "Clean" Biker Jokes 

Three Bikers, a Honda Rider, a BMW Rider and a Harley Rider were sitting in a sauna. Suddenly, there was a continuing beeping sound.
The Honda Rider pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. “That was my pager, “he said, “I have a micro chip under the skin of my arm.”
A few minutes later a phone rang.
The BMW Rider lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, “That was my mobile phone. I have a micro chip in my hand.”
The Harley Rider felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.
The Harley Rider finally declared… “Well, will you look at that, I’m getting a fax!” - from THUNDER ROADS, Jan. 04

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A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."  The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic.  Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific!  The concrete and steel it would take!  It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.  I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.  Take a little more time and think of some thing that would honor and glorify me."  The biker thought about it for some time.  Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife.  I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, an how I can make a woman truly happy!"  The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

   - From Wheels of Grace Magazine  (Available at our Marshfield, MO store.)

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An Oldie, but one of my favorites..

Arthur Davidson, of Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is this; you can hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."
" Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God. "Hold on." God went to his Celestial Super Computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours...."!

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A ten year old boy was walking down the street when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?"
" No!", said the boy, and he kept walking.
The motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says "Hey kid, I'll give you $10 if you hop on the back."
" No!", said the boy and he proceeded down the street a little quicker.
The motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, "Ok kid, I'll give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride."
At this point, the boy turns around to him and screams angrily, "Look Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so YOU ride it!"

- from WIDE OPEN's 2004 Bike Show issue

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One for the guys:

A drunk biker is riding through the city and his bike is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over. The cop says to the biker, "Where have you been?" "I've been to the pub," slurs the biker. "Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few." "I did all right," the biker says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell off the bike?" "Oh, thank heavens" sighs the biker. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

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One for the girls:

This biker lady has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, new roads to ride, she figured she might as well look even nicer.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While riding her motorcycle home, she was run into by a delivery truck and killed. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40+ years? How come you didn't pull me out of the path of that freakin' truck?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

_________________

click link to view:

If motorcycles were like women.

by Kat D.-(animated gif) - Send this one as an ecard.

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These next two were submitted by "The Mother":

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk......

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A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its 'heart', take valves out, fix'em, put'em back in; and when I finish, it works just like new...
So how come I get such a measly salary and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same kind of work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."

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Q: On average, how much cash do bikers spend on beer?

A: A staggering amount.

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A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?"

"I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?"

________

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered.
"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out inSouth Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily - tattooed biker, and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off! Or I'll kick the s--t out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

Just a couple minutes ago."

- from Jerry H.

This is more for cat people than bikers, but I thought it was great - Kat:

More soon! Send us your favorite: contact page.

 

 

 

If a Harley rider dies and goes to Heaven, how will he get around forever? Gold Wings.

And if he dies and goes to hell? The same way!

 

 

 

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